tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post255823228634528926..comments2023-09-27T04:43:42.272-05:00Comments on KjM - on the web: Long, long ago...KjMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17691028465137798738noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-32585945569794014062009-07-06T10:41:12.000-05:002009-07-06T10:41:12.000-05:00Duh, I'm the dense boy. I thought you were ant...Duh, I'm the dense boy. I thought you were anthropomorphizing (?) billiards. Some really funky billiards that turn colors. But I figured it out at the end. Without reading the comments. Really. I did.<br>Loved that "Don't spoil it for them." But, of course, she did.<br>Yeah, what I like is dialog without character tags. I know it annoys some, but I love to see how long you can go before you get so confused you don't know if it's the eight-ball talking or the cueball. "Hey, don't spoil it for them!" Felt rips. Stick breaks. Some idiot with an army claims God is on his side. Man. It can get out of control, can't it?<br>AnasaziStorieshttp://anasazistories.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-13167453349936136182009-07-06T07:38:04.000-05:002009-07-06T07:38:04.000-05:00@Dan thanks for the pointer to Michel Faber's ...@Dan thanks for the pointer to Michel Faber's story - I'll check it out. It didn't start out as a creation story - but morphed as I wrote/rewrote it. I'm still wondering about the "bang" Eve mentioned. :)<br>@Pippa Thanks for the comments on the dialogue. No, it isn't easy to get right, but it's wonderful when it does come together. Would that it were always so.<br>@Stephen Yes, time does seem to run on a different scale for these two characters than for the rest of us - an entire Ice Age within the space of two or three sentences! Glad you enjoyed it. And an Ice Age reduced to an "Opps"? :)<br>KjMhttp://profile.typepad.com/KjMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-53064484150035860092009-07-06T01:16:17.000-05:002009-07-06T01:16:17.000-05:00I'm sorry I'm getting to your story a litt...I'm sorry I'm getting to your story a little late. Fourth of July (and then Sunday) with family has a way of taking one away from other things.<br>I love the ending, how he tells Eve not to spoil it for them. So much for all of that, huh? ;)<br>I also like how you try to explain the ice age, or at least that was my interpretation of the spinning ball turning white and then finally blue again. Cool idea.<br>Stephen Bookhttp://powderburnsandbullets.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-47473277256452231512009-07-05T00:21:16.000-05:002009-07-05T00:21:16.000-05:00Wow, that's so powerful. It's difficult to...Wow, that's so powerful. It's difficult to get dialogue right but you've managed it. And this is one of those 'two for the price of one' stories where you read it again with a completely different perspective and it's as new and wonderful as the first time round.<br>Pippahttp://battypip.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-32213955265149858102009-07-04T22:46:05.000-05:002009-07-04T22:46:05.000-05:00Love the way this plays with the idea of creation,...Love the way this plays with the idea of creation, speaking things into being and the use of 'said' in the opening. Really interesting idea.<br>You should check out Michel Faber's short 'Toy Story' for a thematically similar tale though otherwise very different tale.<br>danpowellhttp://danpowellfiction.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-27819404397714348852009-07-04T17:05:53.000-05:002009-07-04T17:05:53.000-05:00@jon - I like the word "myth". Glad you ...@jon - I like the word "myth". Glad you enjoyed it.<br>@2mara - You're welcome. Dizzy is good. If I've caused ideas to go swimming in your head, then I'm ridiculously pleased with myself.<br>KjMhttp://profile.typepad.com/KjMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-81951119010613403912009-07-04T05:39:59.000-05:002009-07-04T05:39:59.000-05:00This is a very clever, wonderful piece. I am dizzy...This is a very clever, wonderful piece. I am dizzy with all the ideas swimming in my head right now because of it.<br>Thank you :-)<br>~2<br>2marahttp://www.2mara.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-65295975069965315542009-07-03T15:56:00.000-05:002009-07-03T15:56:00.000-05:00Ok, it took two read throughs for me to fully appr...Ok, it took two read throughs for me to fully appreciate it. An interesting take on the creation myth, if myth is the right word. Nicely done.<br>~jon<br>J. M. Strotherhttp://jmstrother.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-76708476422066565952009-07-03T15:19:53.000-05:002009-07-03T15:19:53.000-05:00Thank you. I've just noticed it's far more...Thank you. I've just noticed it's far more dialogue-driven in the latter half. There may be some imbalance there, but the interplay between the two characters was what I was going for.<br>I'm glad this worked for you.<br>KjMhttp://profile.typepad.com/1215411950s23570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-3684048661834350912009-07-03T15:13:05.000-05:002009-07-03T15:13:05.000-05:00I like stories that move forward on the strength o...I like stories that move forward on the strength of dialogue. Very nice work.<br>anniehttp://profile.typepad.com/anniegirl1138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-50205913674486354302009-07-03T15:10:06.000-05:002009-07-03T15:10:06.000-05:00I don't know, but it could be, no? :)Glad you ...I don't know, but it could be, no? :)<br>Glad you enjoyed it, Laura.<br>KjMhttp://profile.typepad.com/1215411950s23570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23892967.post-69875873419732293142009-07-03T13:44:16.000-05:002009-07-03T13:44:16.000-05:00So that's what really happened! :) Great stor...So that's what really happened! :) Great story!<br>Laura Enohttp://www.lauraeno.comnoreply@blogger.com